How to talk to your partner about STIs


Talking to your partner about contraception or STIs can be challenging - but it's very important to do. Click on the tabs below for advice on having these conversations and why it matters.

  • Do I need to tell my partner(s)/ex-partners if I have an STI?

    Yes. STIs don't always cause symptoms, so your partner(s)/ex-partners may not know they have an infection. This means that they might give the infection back to you or spread it to others. Some STIs can cause very serious health problems such as infertility if they're not treated - so it's ethical and fair to make sure any current and former partners are informed.

  • Who do I need to tell?

    You should tell anyone you've had sexual contact with - including oral, vaginal or anal sex - in the last three months, or as advised by your doctor or nurse. Your healthcare provider can help you identify who you need to tell.

  • When should I tell them?

    If you test positive for an STI, let any current and previous sexual partners know as soon as possible.

  • How do I tell my partner I have an STI?

    Most people find it hard to talk to partners about this but it is very important. Sexual health clinic staff can help you plan how you might tell a partner.


    There are many ways of telling partners:

    • Face-to-face
    • Phone call
    • Direct message
    • Give them a partner notification card (ask your doctor or nurse about this).

    If you prefer, your sexual health clinic can do it for you. This is called partner notification - the clinic won't give your name, but will say they believe the person should go for testing and treatment.


    Burnett Foundation Aotearoa has a handy online 'message generator' which offers suggested ways to tell your partner/s if you have an STI.


    Think about how you would like to be told yourself. Although it isn’t the best news to get, the conversation often isn't a negative one. Lots of people would rather know that they have an STI and respond positively and with understanding. 

  • If you're worried or scared about telling your partner

    Sometimes people don't feel safe to tell their partner(s) that they have an STI. If you're worried about how your partner/ex-partner is going to react or you feel unsafe, you can speak to your doctor or nurse, or a support service that helps people in harmful relationships.

  • What happens if you don't have an ex-partners contact details?

     In some cases, you might not have a current or previous sexual partner's contact details, but it is really important to let them know if you've tested positive for an STI. You can try to send them a message through a mutual friend, or contact them on social media and ask them to get in touch with you as soon as possible.

Remember:


  • STIs are usually easy to test for and treat.
  • Most STIs are passed on by people who don’t know they have one, as they often don’t have any signs or symptoms.
  • Just because you were tested first, doesn’t mean that you had the infection first.
  • If you use a condom every time you have sex, you are much less likely to get an STI.
  • There are lots of myths and misconceptions around STIs - that's why we're here, providing you with the medically-accurate facts on sexual health.